I haven't posted in a really long time. Life has a way of getting in the way. I wish I could stay home and write and paint all day while taking breaks to play with my dog.
One day I will......
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
A feeling of relief and sadness
For those of you who have lost a loved one, you know there is a process to it all. A funeral, a memorial service,etc.... Then the loved one is laid to rest. When my dad died in 2009, he gave his body as an anatomical gift to the med school. He had signed all of that paperwork when I was in high school and as far as I knew he had never changed that information. I had attempted to hold a memorial service the way I felt he would have wanted, but his widow did things her way. I was able to have his military rites performed, but things were overshadowed by overly dramatic behavior. Then that was it- no final resting place, no place to visit. Just gone.
I had assumed that once the medical school had utilized the donor's body, they disposed of the body in a respectful way- possibly giving the ashes to the next of kin. I really didn't know. My granny (his mother) had donated her body as well in 2004 and since my aunt, dad or I did not receive her ashes , I just didn't know where they remains went.
Out of curiosity two weeks ago I looked up the anatomical gift program at Marshall University to see what all it entailed. Truthfully, I was thinking that although I am in my 30's, it doesn't hurt to have a plan in place for the inevitable. While I was reading all of the information, I came across the part about what happens when the med school is finished with the donor. It turns out that unless the donor wrote in the notorized paperwork that the remains were to be returned to the next of kin, the remains are placed in the Corbly Mausoleum at Spring Hill Cemetery. It also said that if the donor wishes for the remains to be returned, then the next of kin is responsible for those costs. I know my dad would not have wanted anyone to incur costs associated with that, but I really did not know if someone his widow had done something to get his remains. (As his wife, she was his legal next of kin and she and I haven't spoken in over 2 years and I don't plan to speak to her).
I contacted Spring Hill Cemetery after reading all of that information. I explained that I didn't know if my dad or grandmother were in the mausoleum , but that they had donated their bodies to the anatomical gift registry. The lady at the cemetery was very kind,helpful and respectful. She informed me that my grandmother had been placed in the mausoleum October 25, 2006 and my dad was placed in the mausoleum October 29,2010. I began to cry and I wasn't sure why. I felt it was NO coincidence that they were both laid to rest in the same place in the same month, albeit different years. I was so relieved to know that he was with his mother for all eternity. But I was so sad because all of this time I could have been visiting them.
I told my husband where they were. He told me I had some visiting to do. :) Since that day I have had plenty of opportunities to go visit, but I keep putting it off and I don't know why. Maybe I don't know what to do or what to say...
I had assumed that once the medical school had utilized the donor's body, they disposed of the body in a respectful way- possibly giving the ashes to the next of kin. I really didn't know. My granny (his mother) had donated her body as well in 2004 and since my aunt, dad or I did not receive her ashes , I just didn't know where they remains went.
Out of curiosity two weeks ago I looked up the anatomical gift program at Marshall University to see what all it entailed. Truthfully, I was thinking that although I am in my 30's, it doesn't hurt to have a plan in place for the inevitable. While I was reading all of the information, I came across the part about what happens when the med school is finished with the donor. It turns out that unless the donor wrote in the notorized paperwork that the remains were to be returned to the next of kin, the remains are placed in the Corbly Mausoleum at Spring Hill Cemetery. It also said that if the donor wishes for the remains to be returned, then the next of kin is responsible for those costs. I know my dad would not have wanted anyone to incur costs associated with that, but I really did not know if someone his widow had done something to get his remains. (As his wife, she was his legal next of kin and she and I haven't spoken in over 2 years and I don't plan to speak to her).
I contacted Spring Hill Cemetery after reading all of that information. I explained that I didn't know if my dad or grandmother were in the mausoleum , but that they had donated their bodies to the anatomical gift registry. The lady at the cemetery was very kind,helpful and respectful. She informed me that my grandmother had been placed in the mausoleum October 25, 2006 and my dad was placed in the mausoleum October 29,2010. I began to cry and I wasn't sure why. I felt it was NO coincidence that they were both laid to rest in the same place in the same month, albeit different years. I was so relieved to know that he was with his mother for all eternity. But I was so sad because all of this time I could have been visiting them.
I told my husband where they were. He told me I had some visiting to do. :) Since that day I have had plenty of opportunities to go visit, but I keep putting it off and I don't know why. Maybe I don't know what to do or what to say...
Good intentions
I just need time to sit down and write as different memories come to me. I think I had wanted to write out a memory each day so I wouldn't forget him. But the more I think about it, I think I shouldn't force that. This process should be organic and just evolve into what it is. So, the dad memory project will just take its time and evolve over time.
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